calling the dreamer

We were receiving our foster care interview over the phone, where you are asked some real basic questions about your family. The lady was real sweet, inquiring about different things that would directly affect a foster care child in our home. We have 5 of our own children, so I think it's totally reasonable to question our motives, our values, and overall assess our reasons taking on foster care in this season. I mean, really....all the reasons in the world tell me right now is not the right time. But my heart can't stop beating for the dream that is inside.

When the interview was over, the women kindly asked if she could ask something personal. I wasn't sure what to expect, but her question was certainly sincere - and I'm sure everyone would wonder the same thing as we move forward in such endeavors. "As a mother to such little ones, why foster now? Why do you feel led to do this?"

I paused in that moment. So many thoughts rushing through my mind. So many different ways I could answer. It's always been in my heart to adopt or foster - even before I had my own children. There's always been this dream in my heart to mother the motherless. I didn't always know what face that would take, nor how it would come about, but I knew it was a God-dream that He would make straight when the right time came. I was even willing to go half way around the world, if that's what it took, in order to do it. I knew I was called. I knew I was called to love the fatherless, to embrace the broken, to heal the abused, to disciple the next generation. It's only by having my own children that I have come to realize this at even a deeper level - how much I want to mother all whom would be put in my arms.

"I believe every child is deserving of love," I said. "It is because I am a mother that I see that more clearly."

"I see," the woman replied. "You seem to have the right idea..."

I wasn't sure my answer was the one she wanted to hear. I knew she may not understand my reasons. I had to trust that I was being faithful to my own heart and the dreams we have embraced for our future. What words can not express is how deeply my heart burns to see this dream come alive. Our MAPP training began last week and my heart is pumping with anticipation. Just as I know each and every one of my children were hand picked for us as parents, I also believe there are orphans awaiting the right parent(s). Though my own biological children grew in my womb, there are others growing in my heart.

I didn't always want a big family. In fact, if you had known me 10 years ago, I may have told you I wasn't sure if I even wanted children. It's an evolving story of healing and dreaming with God that has been pivotal to my life walk. Part of the reservation of being a mother was simply based in fear- fear of failure, fear of being an unloving mother, fear of losing myself, fear of what others would think. As I worked through the deep torment of fear on my life and found deep healing waters in my faith and pursuit of God, I was able to dream bigger. I was no longer haunted with the fear of the future. I was able to dream bigger than reason itself, and allow something heavenly take place in my heart. And here's the best part of all - I actually LOVE being a mother. More than the ability to give life, I feel it is a calling. Giving birth doesn't make a mother - its what you do after - when life is being lived. I feel called to love un-relentlessly with my life. Children have this remarkable way of reaching to the depths of your soul and bringing out what you never knew was there. They are a gift. They are the next leaders to rule the world. If there are things we don't like in this world, its easier to train a child than it is to change the mind of an adult. Children are created as conduits of LOVE. They can not help but want it. And when they get it, they will give it back. It may not seem that way at first - but as we faithfully sow the seed of love, our children grow to give it as well - and we reap a great harvest for everyone else in the world to feast on. I am not naïve. I don't think it will be an easy road. (It hasn't been). I am simply an optimist who believes one person can make a difference in the world by simply loving extravagantly. Think about if every child I choose to love would also impact others with that same belief? I am willing to at least try.

Are you  dreamer? Is there something so radical in your heart that you hesitate to share it at all? Is there a labor of love, a dream of desire, awaiting the day it may birth forth? Are finding your heart stricken with possibility when you gaze into your tomorrow?

So forget the nay-sayers. I know there's some dreamers out there! Your dream may not be my dream, but I want to encourage you. Don't let anyone steal from you. Take that dream and plant it in some good soil. Water it daily. Pray over it. Hold it close to your heart. Meditate on it. Protect it. Stay away from casting those pearls to others who may not see eye to eye. It's your dream. Own it. Even if pessimistic questions triy to quench what's in your heart, smile big, and know dreamers don't imagine in the world of possibility. Dreamers imagine the impossible in   a world of reason. We live outside the natural to see the supernatural. We stop to see the miracles of everyday life, and we don't allow the mundane to steal from our present joy. Sometimes we all need to stop thinking and just faithfully move forward. Our mind can be our biggest battlefield. And as you dream and imagine, may you be ascended into a realm where dreams DO come true. They can. They will. 

If we all become what we believe,

than its time to believe in your dreams.

Quality Time as Dad

By Brandon Jackel

Life is busy. 

I presently work over forty hours a week.  I maintain a large property and home, while going to school full-time.  On top of all of my responsibilities my wife and I have five children, aged seven and younger. It is a challenge to spend quality time together.  At times, I work twelve hour shifts.  Most days I go to work before my children wake up and my children are in bed before I get home.  This presents some challenges when I work several consecutive days in a row. 

It wasn’t long ago when I worked four consecutive twelve hour shifts in a row.  I hadn’t seen my children in four days!  When I finally had a day off, I found myself being busy around the house, getting caught up on chores and projects.  My children were ecstatic to see me on my day off, but my mind was easily in task mode.  Before I knew it, the day had passed and my children were already getting ready for bed. 

When I was going through the bed time routine, my oldest daughter seemed incredibly sad.  She expressed how much she missed me and didn’t understand why I had to work so much.  She mentioned she couldn’t remember the last time we did something fun together and how much she missed me.  She even mentioned how she wished we didn’t move to a larger house because of how much time I had to spend working on projects.  My other children expressed similar comments.  One of them even said I made promises I didn’t keep because of working so much. 

As I thought about my children’s remarks my heart was crushed.  I was filled with brokenness.  It was really challenging to digest every word my little girls were expressing.  They really missed me.  For the first time I could clearly see how busy I had become.  Why do I work so much?  When I am home why do I spend my time on projects instead of with my family?  All these questions filled my mind.  I let my children down and I didn’t even realize it. 

            I began to reflect upon the last month and I could remember times when I didn’t engage with my children.  I recalled a time when they wanted me to watch a movie with them and I responded,  “not now.”  I remembered my younger children showing me pictures they had drawn for me and I simply replied, “that’s nice”.  I even recalled my oldest child inquiring if she could help me with projects and I replied, “you’re too young”.  I then realized that I had neglected to spend quality time with my children and I could see the negative impact it made on me as a parent.  I realized that quality time was my children's #1 need, and as their parent I was responsible to meet that need.

            Children crave attention and look up to their parents as role-models.  They genuinely desire to spend quality time with their parents. One parent can not meet this need - they crave both what Dad and Mom offer, because what they offer is different and unique in comparison.  They desire to be encouraged and recognized for their accomplishments.  They want to be noticed and included in their parents' lives.  When parents give their children the attention they desire, it meets an emotional need within them.  When this need is met, children express gratitude and thankfulness.  When this need goes unmet, children can become hurt and disappointed; even acting out behaviorally to get what they want. 

            There are many benefits from parents spending undivided attention and time with their children.  Children feel more secure in your love for them. This security gives them courage to experience and explore the world around them.  They try new things, and there will be a willingness within them to learn.  When parents spend time with their children, children also express their gratitude and love toward their parents.  They expound on their feelings of love that they have toward us.  There is no greater feeling than for me to hear how much my children love me.  And, surprisingly, a child will be more apt to listening and obeying, if they feel secure and loved along the way.

            However, if parents don’t spend time with their children, parents can really hurt their children without even recognizing it.  Children may begin to feel insecure and afraid.  This could even impair their desire to formulate thoughts and explore the world around them.  Children can become defiant, having temper tantrums because this need for quality time isn’t being met.  Parents should seize the moment and make it their priority to connect with their children.  As Rogers (2007) explains, in the Daily Details of Family Life, "filled with seemingly mundane events, we [parents] can choose to generously share our time with our children and capture those cherished moments."  As children there are many memories being made, the ones we share with one another make its greatest print in our hearts.

            I was able to apply this concept recently on New Year’s Eve.  Rather than ushering in the new year with friends, I spent it with my children.  We cuddled on the couch watching movies and laid on the floor playing board games.  As midnight approached, we were celebrating the moment by listening to music while feasting on snacks.  As the countdown began, we eagerly and cheerfully counted down the year entering into a new one. 

            That evening as I put my children to bed they had huge grins on their faces.  Their eyes were full of awe and wonder.  They giggled and laughed as we said our prayers.  Those moments were precious kissing their foreheads and embracing them with hugs.  Each child verbally expressed how much they loved me and how this new year would be the best year ever.  In that moment my heart was full of joy.  I knew my children knew they were loved, and it all came by spending quality time with them on New Year’s Eve.  

            In conclusion, I have learned the real art of spending time with children and what that means for them. Their young ages make them like sponges in the world - and its so important that they know they are accepted; they are loved; they have me as their biggest cheerleader. Spending time with them means I'm reassuring them of those things - and creating a safe and non-judgmental environment for them to grow and make mistakes in. I let them know that I am there whenever they need me. How will they know that if I'm not really available? This is something I am learning and practicing. I tithe time to my children, because they need it and they desire it. It's because I love them I give them what they need. 

the sacred and the social

I have ended my FB fast, and I’ve been wanting to write down some of the some thoughts I have that have really helped me pertaining to the social media world. For a while now there have been things about facebook, and other avenues of cyber communities, that have bothered me. But if you asked why, I wouldn’t have been able to tell you. I was still sorting through so much of my own tension between my own involvement and why certain things unsettled me so much. The truth is, I also found great delight in some of the things the social media world offers, such as: staying in contact with long distance family and friends, keeping record of all my cell phone pictures, and seeing friends blossoming in their own growing families. I also found it a great starting point to meeting other moms when I first moved to the area we live in. I joined groups of like-minded people, and found it uplifting, catalyzing my own spiritual and emotional growth to those particular groups and the things that were said. With that in mind, I never thought the cyber community was lost. I never thought I would throw in the towel all together. I merely began to see certain flaws, that in my opinion, lead to big obstacles, in our real world lives.

The first is simply the flaw of intimate connection. Intimate connection comes by means of touch, expression, and heart to heart honest conversation. Heart to heart conversations are actually very hard in the social media world. Ever had a text misunderstood? How about a story misinterpreted? We all have filters in which we perceive our world, and communicating how we see things (being that we all see through that lens very differently) becomes more challenging in having effective communication. Take into consideration that 75% of communication is non-verbal, we miss so much when we are not given the ability to see one another face to face. BUT even if we are able to have a heart to heart honest conversation on the internet (because it does happen….I’ve done so), we miss the ability to convey with our expression. There is only so much an emoji can express before we actually need a real person seeing in front of us to see and feel the language which we speak. And forget touch – a kiss, a hug, an embrace, crying, laughing, free expression, feeling the energy of the person sitting beside you – none of which can be produced with the person in front of their smart device. There is nothing that can replace intimate connection without being with one another face to face. But that’s not even its greatest flaw. It’s greatest flaw is as a society we are beginning to believe that social media can replace what it can not give- intimate connection. We are forgetting how to connect with one another outide the social media world. You may not believe me. You may not agree with me. But take a moment, where you remove yourself completely from it, and you quickly find how true this is. Ever been in a room full of people, but everyone is starring at their phone? Ever gone to a restaurant where a couple are looking at their phones rather into the eyes of the one they love? Ever had a photo snapped of yourself and dreaded the thought of someone posting it before you have a chance to approve it? Have you caught yourself thinking of the next thing you want to say or post on FB, only to check it an hour later to see how many likes you have? Caught yourself retaking selfie after selfie because its not looking the way you want it to? Because before FB we're we really even snapping selfies? Listen, this is not to point any fingers. I am seeing it everywhere. The time I was off FB I found myself completely removed from a sub-culture that I had some how given a piece of my life too. It may seem extreme. It may seem like irrational thinking. But I haven’t thought more clearly than I do now.

You see, life is sacred. Every part of it. From the moment I get up I am serving – I am mothering. I’m and optimist and I’m an opportunist – this is a big part of who I am. But FB took that from me. Actually I gave it indirectly, yet willfully. There are many things FB can not convey about my life, yet we would like to believe it can. The cyber world doesn’t see the time taken teaching my children life skills. It doesn’t see the tension of breastfeeding my baby, while homeschooling my 7 year old, while trying to wipe the runny nose of my 22 month old. It doesn’t take the time to get to know why I believe my children are a big part of what makes the world great. It can’t convey that though I am a person of faith, I would prefer to listen, rather than speak. In the FB world we all look like opinionated motivational speakers, anticipating an applause with every like we receive. The social interrupts the sacred. It’s not suppose to be that way.

Here’s a little story about my 4 year old. One night I was spending alone time with her and I told her we could do anything she wanted to do since she had me all to herself. She chose to do building blocks. So we were building blocks together and having a grand time. I was mesmerized by her. She was building these elaborate buildings and was so proud of how high she could get them. I was amazed too. Then a great thought hit me. I’m gonna take a picture of this and post this to FB – so everyone can see how amazing this little girls is! And that’s exactly what I did. But as I was doing so my 4 year old turns to me and says,

“Mommy!...Mommy!”

“Yes???” I responded.

“You’re suppose to be playing blocks with me! You said!”

“I am honey. Just give me one moment”,  as I continued to write a caption under my post.

“OK..mommy..”

She was so understanding, but afterward I was so broken. What dawned on me next was really heart quenching for me. I had come to realize that I completely interrupted a beautiful moment, a sacred moment, a memorable moment, with my daughter. Those moments are few, and though it only took a second to do it, she took notice. And I noticed I did this through out my day often. It only took a couple seconds, but it interrupted the flow. There was a frequency on which our day would flow, and when I allowed the social media world to interrupt that, it took away from the present moment. What I realize is that I want to be fully aware, fully alive, fully engaged in whatever moment I am in – because that’s reality. Facebook is not reality. Have you ever watched a reality TV show? It’s suppose to be us watching people live their real lives on tv, but how much of that is actually real? How much of that is performance, or only for the one who is watching? Most people posting are doing the same. They’re posting for their audience.

I am not saying we should all end social media as we know it. I’m not even permenantly removing my own carbon print to this world, but what I am becoming is more present in what is real, and less present in what is not. What I have found, though FB, Instagram, snapchat, twitter has its perks, nothing can replace what is sacred….life itself. We must never forget how to connect with one another face to face. We should go into the social media world with a bit of conviction – with some sort of vision, so we don’t full prey into meeting some need that should be met by a real person in front of you. And we should never look for affirmation or validation from a world that is not based in authentic heart to heart connection. FB can be a great place to connect, but intimate connection happens outside of FB. For some, FB has become an outlet of digression, a personal diary of thoughts, a voice where you have not been able to speak….and that is not wrong. But I do think we may all need to address our hearts and find where our banks meet our boundaries. For me, I can not share with the world all that I find sacred – it means too much to me. You will not hear every detail of my life. You will not always see where I’m going, or what I’m doing. I will be absent some days, while others there is more opportunity to connect. I will not share my thoughts relentlessly. There will be much thought into every post, because I don’t find value in allowing FB represent the person of who I am to the audience I am connected to. Whether we like it or not, some of us have no other connection with one another outside that world, so we form our own ideas about a person simply by what they say or post on FB. Is that what you want soley representing who you are? This changes things a bit for me. We should not be naïve about this sub-reality that this next generation (my children and so on) will never know a world without. My children were born into the world where FB always existed. We should be thinking about how we want to rightly represent this as well for the next generation.

Life is precious. Life is sacred. Dates with my husband, loving words exchanged, beautiful moments that will forever take memory in my heart, are meant to be kept close. And how nice it is to share with someone, at the opportune time, a story that they have never heard, face to face.

the happy runner

Something many don't know about me is that I love to run.

Some of my family know this about me.

But I don't talk about it a lot, because I don't always have the time for it.

I've been running on and off now for the past 10 years because of various things.

I've had to start over many times from pregnancy, and recovering post-partum.

I also had to take a long break in 2011 because I broke my ankle.

It was a long recovery.

But I'm back at it and its been a real joy.

Can you believe I got to run outside yesterday....the last day of January???

The sun was out.

The breeze was cooling,

yet, the air was warm.

It was the perfect day for a run.

In JANUARY!!!!!

We live on a fast-pace road in the middle of the country.

Cars drive fast, but are few.

The scenery makes for a breath-taking run.

You not only feel good about your run....

you feel good about life.

Here is a gorgeous view of Lake Canandaigua.

Just snapped with my phone while running to one of my turn-around points.

Runs on these type of days remind me of how blessed I am.

I meditate on the goodness of God.

I melt in the refreshing blow of the wind on my face.

I fly to the beat of the music playing.

And I can't help but be happy.

I am the #happyrunner