Recently I have been finding it extremely hard to find time with the Lord. I've had to really altar some of the routine I use to have to make sure God is getting His time. I tried to live days on the fly and my day has proved to be overwhelming in the end when I don't get that solitude with God. Even in days that I have not a moment to read my Word, I've learned to slip in the Word on CD just so I get my filling. Without it, I'm so lost. I become this person so familiar, yet so surprisingly shaken at the sight of seeing her. It's the girl who use to judge everything and everyone, but only because of her own insecurities of being alone. It's the girl who wants to rule and reign, the mighty feminist who thinks she knows better than everyone else around her. Her inner fear and turmoil tortures her. It's really who I am without God - it's really who I was...just empty.
I'm reminded so often of who I'd be if I never encounter Jesus. Maybe a feminist lesbian who curses the world. Or a hippy caught up in orgies and drugs. Or maybe a good hearted wiccan who'd attempt to make the world a better place. Who knows. God knows. And in the emptiness of what my future may have held if I continued to live my own way, God had mercy. God so loved me more than I could ever love myself.
I had this mind-blowing reality when I was reading from Jeremiah 17. "Cursed is the man who trusts in mankind and makes his flesh his strength, and whose heart turns away from the Lord. For he will be like a bush in the desert and will not see when prosperity comes, But will live in stony wastes in the wilderness, and land of salt without inhabitant" (vs. 5-6). It's sobering to remember who you are without God. It's even more humbling to see who you are when you stop trusting God. It's interesting to me when I see myself come to this place where I think I may have "graduated". When I may think I am without reproach. And right when you think you've got your act together, BOOM! God shows up and shows you how you have put trust in your flesh and have trusted in man more than Himself. Are you understanding?
Let's put it this way. When there are days I wait to spend time with the Lord, I'm short with my husband. "What do you mean you can't watch the kids? I've been stuck here all day!" "Honey, could you please put that dish away!" "How many times do I have to tell you?..." and it's not so much what I say, but the tone I say it in. I might as well have said, "hey stupid, why don't you do what I say because what you did today didn't matter!" Or how about the anxiety over the bills. In days where time with the Lord is put on the back burner, I become a spectator of God's provision in my life. Though my mouth may say I am trusting in the Lord, my actions tell me I can do a better job than God can. Where can I get the money? How much more can I work? And then I complain to the Lord rather than trust God that He has and will provide for all my needs. In days where the physical is more of my reality than the spiritual, you have to take a step back and wonder why. Why am not trusting God?
"Blessed is the man who trusts the Lord and whose trust IS the Lord. For he will be like a tree planted by the water, that extends its roots by a stream and will not fear when the heat comes; But its leaves will be green, And it will not be anxious in a year of drought and not cease to yield fruit" (Jeremiah 17:7-8). But if I continue to purpose myself to be with the Lord everyday, I am able to walk in the glory of who He has created me to be. You see, we may be nothing with God, but we are something with Him! Oh, are we something! We are like trees that always have fruit! Even in days of drought, we will be the ones with the water. How important it is to walk with God! How crucial it is to spend time with the Lord to experience true life. I was reminded to do whatever it takes to get with Him. Things admist our day always seem so much more important as they are happening, but what is truly important is so easily forgotten. My encouragement to you today is to do whatever it takes to get with Him.