Can you relate?
Yeah, we can too :-)
If you haven't heard my story, you should check it out. God's done quite the deep work with my heart since I married my hubby (almost) 6 years ago.
But God's been challenging me EVEN MORE! Last January Brandon and I went to Israel with Burn 24/7. There was a powerful prophetic woman there and she began to talk about children and the conviction of believing the Word of God and what it says about children. The Word is constantly pointing to the next generation, always pointing to family and expansion. With zeal in her heart she began to say how she saw pro-life very differently than most. Many advocates will condemn abortion, whole refusing to allow God to number their own children. It really struck me to the heart. I've always preached this myself. Lord, whatever your will. But many times it's....whatever your will, BUT not my womb Lord! We want to give Him our lives, but we don't want to give Him our womb. And she continued to express, that pro-life to the Lord is exactly that....you are FOR every life He wants to bring through you. Wow. What conviction! What revelation! What a challenge!
After having our third at home, we decided to take a break. And, really, since the first time I decided to stop taking birth control, we family planned. I really wanted a 3-4 year break. My body was having a hard time adjusting to pregnancies so close together and my baby weight was coming off slower and slower after each baby. I didn't feel healthy, so I didn't want a baby. Sounds reasonable right? Not to mention all the things I wanted beforehand: more money, bigger house, more time, more help, more support, more, more, more...
Sure its reasonable, but I have to confess...I hardened my heart to hear anything outside of what my own plans were. I did what was practical, what felt right. It wasn't until a couple months ago when I had two back-to-back dreams where I had more children in them. Then it was followed by a dream my husband had saying we missed hearing God in this. Needless to say, I WAS UNDONE! And after seeking the Lord pertaining to it all, I felt a softening in my heart. It didn't mean we were going to start trying tomorrow, but the Lord was dealing with something that was in my heart.....an unsurrendered womb. Here I am telling others to practice what they preach, and the Lord is showing me how I'm not living out my own message.
What's the principle? I don't know when we're suppose to have another baby, but I know it will most likely be before I originally planned. My heart is open and my ears are listening, and that is what is important. I can't tell Him my life is His but reserve my womb for myself. And the truth is, when I look at each of my children I would not give them up for anything, even a little extra weight. They are diamonds in the Kingdom; they are a birthing of a movement; they are priceless gifts that can not be measured....and that is the truth.